Mindset
And what does worrying do to us? It causes stress, sleepless nights, stomach aches, arguments, etc., and sometimes it causes us to not enjoy life’s pleasures…..yes?So, who am I to tell you to stop worrying?
While I’m not a therapist or a psychologist, I am a professional organizer who sees clients every day who are worried about all sorts of different things. I’m also an engineer. Therefore, I make no judgments on my clients’ clutter, and I don’t see disorganization as a character flaw: I only see it as a problem to be solved. You’ll be relieved to know I only try to solve it for you if you ask! Friends say, “I don’t want you to come over and see my mess!” To which I reply, “I don’t care about your mess unless you are paying me to care about it!”
Naturally, I have problems too, and I worry about them, but I think I worry less than others do because of the methods I use that I will tell you about.
But first…
I want you to start thinking about worrying as a form of clutter.
What is Clutter? Here’s what I believe:
- Clutter is anything that stands in the way of the life you want to live.
- Clutter takes many forms. Little things like paper; big things like furniture; negative thoughts; and unfulfilling activities.
- Clutter weighs us down. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
- Everyone deserves to feel lighter. My logo, the egret taking flight, represents the freedom of rising above your clutter!
- Less clutter in your home, your office, your schedule, and your mind means more room for the life you want to live. Less clutter. More life.
So, it’s easy for me to say that worrying is just Mental Clutter, but what do I propose we do about it?
Now let me ask:
Do you believe in the power of words?
Let’s talk about positive words first. I’m thinking of positive affirmations, inspiring quotes, and prayer of all kinds…do you believe in those things? Do they help motivate you, encourage you, and lift your spirits?
Now, what about negative words? How about verbal abuse from others? And what about negative self-talk? Do you think negative self-talk tears us down and affects us as much, and possibly more than negative talk from others?
Here is a quote I like, which has been attributed to many, but I like the way Meryl Streep said it in her portrayal of Margaret Thatcher in the movie “The Iron Lady”:
She said:
Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become your character.
And watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
What we think, we become.
Do you agree with that? I sure do!
So, now, back to worrying…
If you think you can manifest something positive by thinking, talking about, and envisioning it, do you believe you can also manifest something negative by thinking, talking about, and envisioning it?
Or as I like to say:
Worrying is like praying for something you don’t want.
And why on earth would we want to do that?
If you believe in the power of thoughts and words, that’s what you’re doing…aren’t you? Paying undue attention to, and repeating over and over, the thing you don’t want?
If worrying helped, believe me, I’d recommend doing it more often!
With that in mind…
The first step in dealing with Mental Clutter is to identify what you are worried about.
It could be fear, regret, anxiety, shame, guilt…and, actually, it’s fear about a thing, or regret about a thing.
It’s that thing you need to identify, and the more specific you are, the better your chances are of doing something about it.
The next step is to decide: Can you do something about it? Or not?
The Worry Matrix will help you decide what’s worth worrying about.
(Click to read more and download your free copy of the Worry Matrix.)
This is probably the hardest part of the whole process. Because sometimes we feel powerless. We don’t know if we can do something about it or not. Sometimes we need help figuring that out. Sometimes it’s become such a habit to worry, and we are so busy worrying, that we don’t stop to think whether maybe we could do something about it.
Or, maybe something’s changed. In the words of Maya Angelou,
Do the best you can until you know better.
Then when you know better, do better.
Part of this step can include determining whether or not your fears are realistic. If you’re anxious about the future, being prepared for actual, likely events is the key to a peaceful mind.
But the bottom line is: If you are having persistent, worrisome thoughts about something, ask yourself: Can I do something about it? If you aren’t doing anything about it — or if you can’t do anything about it — it’s just Mental Clutter.
If you think you can do something about it – great! Take action!
The pure fact that you are doing something about it will help you to not worry about it so much.
Here are some examples of actions you can take:
Research your situation; Make a plan; Set some goals; Do or delegate a dreaded task; Document vital info; Save money, Make that appointment, Have that awkward conversation.
Forgive someone. Forgive yourself. It’s not easy, but this rationale for forgiveness makes sense to me:
Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.
Also:
Refusing to forgive someone is like drinking poison, and waiting for the other person to die.
Um…right?
If you regret the past and feel guilty about something, but there’s nothing you can do about it, forgive yourself and move on. Remember, you know better now.
One of the reasons why it is so hard to part with your mental clutter is that you’re afraid of not having, or being, enough. Is this because you are comparing yourself to others? Stop it! Have a little faith in yourself.
Here are a couple of quotes I like about not being envious of others:
Grass is greener where you water it.
and
Don’t compare your bloopers to someone else’s highlight reel.
(Especially on Facebook!)
If you’re concerned about what others think, try following Dr. Seuss’ advice:
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
Here’s another quote I love about having faith in yourself:
A bird sitting in a tree
is never afraid of the branch breaking
because her trust is not on the branch,
but on her own wings.
Always believe in yourself.
What does this mean? Some people would rather trust in God than to trust in themselves. For those of you who want to trust in God, that won’t hurt either. But you still need to do your homework and take action.
Have you heard this expression?
Trust in god but lock your car.
I also like the Middle Eastern version:
Trust in Allah but tie up your camel.
If you really think you cannot do anything about it, then stop worrying about it!
It’s Mental Clutter.
A good example of something you cannot change is someone else’s behaviour.
Are you familiar with The Serenity Prayer?
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
That’s what I’m saying too: Accept what you can’t change, and change what you can’t accept. Get help if you really don’t know the difference.
Examples: preparing for emergencies; planning for your financial future; repairing (or releasing) damaged relationships; and addressing health issues head on.
If the task ahead seems daunting, break it down into smaller steps. Do them one at a time until you are finished, or you feel prepared, or you have established the new habit that will improve your life and help you worry less.
So, what if, despite your best intentions, you are still living with Mental Clutter? If you have tried taking action on things you can change, and you have tried not worrying about things you cannot change… and you are still worried, ask for help from a friend, therapist, clergy member, or someone who can help with your specific situation – like a doctor, a financial planner, a personal trainer, an attorney, or a professional organizer.
Worry less. Prepare more.
Have those difficult conversations! Make that appointment!
Believe in yourself. And live your life free of Mental Clutter!
What are you worried about? What action are you going to take?
Please share with me in the comments!
Let me know if this helps you, and share it with your friends who may need it.
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Copyright 2015-2016 by Hazel Thornton, Organized For Life.
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Julie Stobbe is a Trained Professional Organizer and Lifestyle Organizing Coach who brings happiness to homes and organization to offices, coaching you virtually using Zoom. She has been working with clients since 2006 to provide customized organizing solutions to suit their individual needs and situations. She uses her love of physical activity to reduce clutter, in your home and office. She guides and supports you in managing your time. If you’re in a difficult transition Julie can coach you to break-free of emotional clutter constraining you from living life on your terms. Online courses are available to help instruct, coach and support your organizing projects. Get started by downloading Tips for Reorganizing 9 Rooms.
Contact her at julie@mindoverclutter.ca
Twitter – Facebook – Facebook group Organizing Mind and Space
Janet Barclay of Organized Assistant
Today I am happy to introduce you to Janet Barclay of Organized Assistant.
Here is her story of following her passion and successfully transitioning her business focus. I hope it will motivate you to take a step towards making changes in your life, work or business.
- When I first met you, you were a Professional Organizer. What did you do before becoming an organizer and how did you choose to become a professional organizer?
Before starting my business, I worked as a customer service rep, office supervisor, administrative assistant, computer instructor, and employment counsellor. When I was an employment counsellor, I decided to take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Qualifying Program. Because the MBTI is a widely used career assessment tool, I thought it would be a good thing to have on my resume.
In the course, I learned that our personality type influences not only our career choices, but many other aspects of our lives, and I was particularly fascinated with the way that personality type affects the way we deal with time and space. I was so excited by the possibilities that I wasn’t satisfied to simply have the MBTI listed on my resume – I wanted to actually use it! Since there was no opportunity to do so in the position I held at the time, I decided to start a side business where I would use my new knowledge to help others choose a career or become more effective by using organizing strategies that respect their natural preferences.
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contact www.organizedassistant.com
How long was it before you transitioned from being a professional organizer to becoming a virtual assistant? How did you make that business transition?
A year or so after becoming a professional organizer, one of my organizing colleagues hired me to automate her monthly newsletter. At that moment, I realized that you can organize someone’s workspace, and you can teach them good time management skills, but sometimes the best way to help them is to free up some of their time.
This was a real turning point for me, and I began adding virtual assistance and website design (which I’d also been doing on the side for several years) to my professional organizing service offerings. I enjoyed this type of work so much that I resigned from my job to work in my business full time. As my client base grew, organizing became less important and eventually I gave it up altogether.
- When transitioning your business services, what do you feel is one mistake you made or something you could have done better to make the transition easier?
When I decided to become a virtual assistant, I had to change my business name from Barclay Career & Organizing Solutions to something more in line with my new service offerings. I chose Organized Assistant because it was something I could stick with in the event I decided to discontinue either organizing or virtual assistance down the road.
The transition itself went pretty smoothly because it was gradual and my business seemed to evolve naturally. However, over the past few years, I’ve become less of a virtual assistant and more of a marketing consultant and web designer, and my business name no longer feels like a good fit. Had I anticipated further changes, I would have simply branded myself as Janet Barclay.
- Although you are still a virtual assistant the focus of your business is changing again. Tell us about your new focus.
I’ve always enjoyed working with solopreneur women, and they seem to enjoy working with me too. However, solopreneurs tend to look after their own marketing, either for financial reasons or simply out of personal preference. In order to cater to their needs, earlier this year I founded Maximize Marketing Club. In this supportive online community, members learn and develop important marketing strategies for less than the cost of a virtual assistant and much less than a one-on-one marketing coach.
- How important is it, in making a successful business transition, to start a networking group and/or an online group?
Building a network is essential no matter what stage you’re at in your business. When you’re making a transition, a well-established network of supporters can help you test your ideas and spread the word about your new products or services.
If you need assistance with your website or marketing please contact Janet Barclay.
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Julie Stobbe is a Trained Professional Organizer and Lifestyle Organizing Coach who brings happiness to homes and organization to offices, coaching you virtually using Zoom. She has been working with clients since 2006 to provide customized organizing solutions to suit their individual needs and situations. She uses her love of physical activity to reduce clutter, in your home and office. She guides and supports you in managing your time. If you’re in a difficult transition Julie can coach you to break-free of emotional clutter constraining you from living life on your terms. Online courses are available to help instruct, coach and support your organizing projects. Get started by downloading Tips for Reorganizing 9 Rooms.
Contact her at julie@mindoverclutter.ca
Twitter – Facebook – Facebook group Organizing Mind and Space
In my blog post on March 25, 2016 I formally introduced Mary Dystra Novess CPO. She is a past president of NAPO and a warm, lovely, helpful person. She has generously given of her time and expertise to allow me to interview her. I hope you enjoy getting to know more about her and her business Within Reach Organizing Services.
As an organizational consultant, what motivates us to change?
Books have been written on change and what drives it. For our purposes here I’m going to cover 2 main drivers: avoiding pain and seeking a better state of affairs (mentally, emotionally, physically, financially etc.).
One of the biggest influences on how we deal with change is how we are internally wired. If you have ever done an assessment (for example DISK), you become aware that people are wired differently; from a high comfort in embracing change through the spectrum of avoiding change. Some people seem to thrive on change while others only embrace change when presented with dire consequences if they don’t change – possible loss of job, home, relationship, or health. Change for many triggers fear. Fear that it won’t be enough to make a difference anyway or that it will be emotionally painful, or it will cost too much or that they will have to deal with loss.
For those who struggle with change (we all do at some time), the best way to become more open to change is to identify the end goals and put it in context of positive outcomes vs. the pain of possible loss. For example, if you are on a diet and concentrate on the loss of the chocolate cream pie instead of how great it will be to have more energy and fit into your favourite clothes again, it will be much harder to stay with the diet because you are focused on the pain instead of the joy of healthier and more trim you. Same principle goes with decluttering your environment and mind. I always suggest a person seek out support in the area they want change because it makes it so much easier and keeps the focus on the right things especially on the hard days.
Through helping your clients to organize their home offices you help them to increase their bottom line while improving their quality of life. What would be the first step to reaching this goal?
As Steven Covey wrote many years ago, “Start with the end in mind”. If you can’t define something, you can’t track it and you can’t attain it.
When I start a relationship with a new client the FIRST thing covered is setting up great decision making criteria in 4 key areas. Then, all decluttering, organizing, time management and decisions revolve around the client established criteria with the end goal(s) in mind.
As a speaker, blogger and trainer, you’ve been helping clients and families learn strategies to become better organized. You specialize in inspiring others to live an uncluttered life. What suggestions do you have for those that feel overwhelmed by clutter?
Identify who would love, need or appreciate the things that no longer serve you well. Donate, recycle and return items today because every day that you feel overwhelmed or controlled by your stuff/environment, is a compromised day that can lead to a compromised life and compromised relationships. If you are a reader, there are 3 books I would suggest right off the bat to read: It’s All Too Much by Peter Walsh, Everything That Remains by Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus and Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez. For a newer read, some are finding comfort in Marie Kondo’s book, The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up. If you are not an engaged reader, save the money and do NOT buy the books. I have been in more homes where clients have dozens of unread organizing books. In my experience, intentions will only waste money and create more clutter and guilt.
What has been your biggest personal challenge around organization?
I have my own “Would’a Could’a, Should’a” bugaboos. That’s why I have such high empathy for my clients and I don’t judge. My passion is aquatic stuff, gardens and reading for knowledge. That means for me that I have 5 aquariums, create an overabundance of vegetables in the summer and always have articles to read. To my credit, I was born with great leveling force in my gut that hates waste so I remain conscious of 1) what I spend in time and dollars, 2) what goes to waste and 3) make sure I have a way of sharing the excess so that little is wasted. When I have an ailing client, I often do a drive by to deliver a meal and a smile. Good for them & good for me.
To keep my reading papers in check, I clip down to the article. Dad still gives me his Wall Street Journals, Financial Times, Time, building and home trade magazines and I pick up magazines that discuss organizing and simplifying. I am still old school and I love paper. I try to speed read and pick up trends, statics and tips. When I fall behind, I choose a cutoff date or relevancy date and do a quick mini purge so that things stay in balance as I am running a business, home and need quality time with my great husband on the weekends. Life is always a balancing act and there is an ebb and flow to all activities and mental bandwidth. As the old proverb goes, we teach what we most need to learn and I am a lifelong learner. It’s the gift I get from my clients and share with my clients. It is the circle of life.
Thank you to Mary Dystra Novess of Within Reach Organizing Services for sharing her thoughts with us.
Julie Stobbe is a Trained Professional Organizer and Lifestyle Organizing Coach who brings happiness to homes and organization to offices, coaching you virtually using Zoom. She has been working with clients since 2006 to provide customized organizing solutions to suit their individual needs and situations. She uses her love of physical activity to reduce clutter, in your home and office. She guides and supports you in managing your time. If you’re in a difficult transition Julie can coach you to break-free of emotional clutter constraining you from living life on your terms. Online courses are available to help instruct, coach and support your organizing projects. Get started by downloading Tips for Reorganizing 9 Rooms.
Contact her at julie@mindoverclutter.ca
Twitter – Facebook – Facebook group Organizing Mind and Space
It is my pleasure to introduce you to Mary Dykstra MBA, CPO (Certified Professional Organizer), owner of Within Reach Organizing Services who has been helping corporate, residential and entrepreneurial clients get organized since 1984. Her specialities are: Professional speaking, consulting and hands-on corporate, residential and entrepreneurial organizing with special emphasis on home based businesses plus time management training. She is a long standing member of National Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO), teaches time management courses nationally and she earned her Senior Relocation and Transition Specialist (CRTS) certification.
Mary is passionate about helping her clients regain control of their minds, lives and environments – long term.
In your business, Within Reach, you offer business, residential, home office, ADD & ADHD organizing services. What is your favourite part of organizing?
For me, it’s never about the stuff. It’s about the people. The favorite part of my work is the moment when I see a client’s face and body change as they move from feeling overwhelmed to empowered and confident. The change in the space and within the person is striking and I love the fact that they trusted me and the process.
When organizing residential clients what is one common obstacle and a strategy for overcoming it?
The biggest obstacle I hear from my audiences and future clients is that they don’t know where to start. They do not always use the term ‘overwhelmed’ but that is the common emotional bugaboo that keeps us from decluttering and setting up great functioning systems. The easiest and fastest way to get beyond this is to bring in assistance. For some, that might be an understanding friend who can help with the focus and physically getting things sorted and moved. For others it is hiring a professional organizer who can come in with clarity, and help you create a plan so that either you or they or combination of both can get the work accomplished quickly and effectively.
For those that prefer DYI (Do It Yourself), you can get all kinds of tips and see pictures from YouTube, Pinterest, an organizing book, seminar, a professional organizer’s website/blog etc. Just use the search function in the app or website you prefer. Look at working on one area at a time. If you find this is overwhelming or that you don’t get it done, make that call to a professional organizer or friend. My first recommendation is always a professional organizer if you can afford it because it has the tendency to keep your friendships on a healthier, less stressed level (“What do you mean you want to get rid of this sweater? I remember when I gave it to you…).
What are some of the trends in organizing that have changed from when you started in this field to now? How long have you been involved in organizing?
I have been in the Organizing Industry for over 16 years and a lot has changed. The economy fallout in the USA in 2007/8 made a big impact with people losing jobs, selling homes and downsizing all aspects of their lives. Though the economy has come back for most, the new focus and trends are on wireless/paperless living and living unencumbered lives – especially for the Millennials. The smart phone is decreasing some of our physical clutter but keeping our minds over stimulated and our attention spans suffering. Other trends I see are people moving to reclaimed urban areas to enjoy walkable and social communities, having smaller dwellings (there is a strong interest for some to embrace Tiny House living) and many are forgoing house ownership preferring the freedom that comes with renting and not having money tied up in 1 large asset. The effect is that organizers today need to be much savvier about helping their clients manage electronic information and help clients maximize the utility of confined space.
Also, older adults who are downsizing and simplifying sometimes are unprepared to discover that their children and the marketplace do not value many of the things that they thought were very valuable. When a client says to me that they are saving something for their adult children or grandchildren, I encourage them to directly ask if those items are indeed wanted by the children. If the answer is no, to let those items go with grace. If the client believes that items should be sold only for a very high price, I suggest getting an appraisal or checking a site like EBay to see if their value expectations are reasonable.
Click to find out more about Mary Dystra Novess and Within Reach
Julie Stobbe is a Trained Professional Organizer and Lifestyle Organizing Coach who brings happiness to homes and organization to offices, coaching you virtually using Zoom. She has been working with clients since 2006 to provide customized organizing solutions to suit their individual needs and situations. She uses her love of physical activity to reduce clutter, in your home and office. She guides and supports you in managing your time. If you’re in a difficult transition Julie can coach you to break-free of emotional clutter constraining you from living life on your terms. Online courses are available to help instruct, coach and support your organizing projects. Get started by downloading Tips for Reorganizing 9 Rooms.
Contact her at julie@mindoverclutter.ca
Twitter – Facebook – Facebook group Organizing Mind and Space
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